I miss you.
I love you.
I may actually miss you just as much as I love.
Preston is getting big man. I find myself saying to things to him that you once said to me. There is a good chance you told me those things more than a few times.
He is the same way.
A picture of a younger you is in my man cave. He says hello and goodbye to it when we come in and leave. I’m not going to lament over how I wish you were here to spend time with him…
He has our humor. He has our energy. He has our entire families face! He sucks his teeth inward-like a true Charlestonite. The first time he did so it scared me and I called Mom. How did he do that and why did he sound like every aunt in my family when they don’t believe what your saying.
My entire life you did your damnest to teach me-everything. Sometimes I listened, sometimes not. Well, that’s Preston in a nutshell. He is bossy and he’ll listen only half the time. The other half is left for him to roam and learn-as I did.
We just had a great summer, it reminded me of the days in Italy when you’d take time off from work to tot my friends and I around the coast to different beaches. Everyday you’d make us the biggest burgers and let us listen to hip hop loud on your expensive speakers.
I think I’ve held in the pain from you passing for years. I’ve grieved but I don’t think I’ve really emotionally faced the fact that you’re not here anymore. I’ve learned to live with you not being here but if the idea of that lingers too long in my head…
What I am aware of is God has made you ever present. From work and how I handle issues with employees to at home managing the parameters of raising a son. I see you, hear you, and am you.
I have one goal in life now.
I need to make it to heaven so we can be together again. That trumps any earthbound goal I could ever be desirous for.