Angst

Today I traveled for work and almost had a breakdown on the plane…

As I get older, I’m realizing that there are somethings that I must recognize and not ignore. It took me a very long time to narrow down this feeling-I get in my chest and it makes me sweat more than I usually do. I feel 100% comfortable in a dark room by myself-more often then not. There is an angst I feel in public even though I’ve always considered myself a social person. I get tight when interacting with people and I don’t know why?  

Well I do.

Now I feel I must do something about it. 

I need to get help. 

When Preston was almost two and throughout his 2-year-old life, I often avoided taking him places in fear of him having a tantrum in public. I would pull out our home parking spot praying “God please let this boy behave”. In my mind I know he is two, and emotional, and tantrums are very normal for that age. Yet, I still would worry to the point of staying in the house to avoid a meltdown. In my heart, I really didn’t care what other people thought. In my mind I knew that it may happen and if it did happen It would not be the end of the word.

My heart and my mind had it figured out, but my body would fall victim to the overwhelming feeling of tightness. I’d get home and damn near fall asleep after any small field trip we would take due to exhaustion. 

So, on the plane, my seat was tight (I’m fat) my seat belt was hard to fasten (again I’m fat) and I was struggling to get settled. I felt like the plane was shrinking, I felt my chest get tight and sweat was dripping from my forehead like I was running a marathon. I had a full-blown anxiety attack. I almost lost my breathe and for what? I looked around, no one was paying me any attention. The person next to me got up to let me get myself together. I was panicking for nothing. 

Nothing. 

I prayed, that helped some. I focused and snapped the belt together. I laid back in my seat and felt like I just finished running for my life. All over a seat and a seatbelt. Find this in the manual under chapter 41: “Angst And Worry, Both Are Exhausting”.

Author:

Critical Thinker